-----Author's Note----
The following and all proceeding entries have an air of melancholy and defeatist. They are full of excuses, and were written by a depressed me. More recently I've taken control of my mood and I CHOOSE to be positive from now on. I will leave the previous entries published so that I can remember where I came from and where I don't want to go again. (There were some good days, but not many.)
I know I haven't written for a long while. First it was due to my moving across the country, then moving into a house that kept me from it. Then there was the whole; not having time to do it because I am settling in thing. I have been exercising though. When I wasn't battling off bad ear infections and other ailments. But then I went to my dress fitting. Now I am not allowed to lose weight because then my dress won't fit. I have seriously been dealing with 3 of the biggest stresses of life, and I am at the most unhealthy weight/size I've ever been and now I'm not allowed to lose weight. Personally; I hate the way I look in my dress. I have tuffs and rolls of fat hanging over the edge and this awesome donut shape for a belly. Granted; the dress does a good job of accentuating my curves. I don't look like a loaf of bread or anything. But I am uncomfortable. I now have the time to exercise on the regular, and the means to choose my own foods. I prefer to make healthy options and I do plan to. But she said I'm not allowed to lose weight. Gawddamn! I'm going to look like a beached whale in my wedding photos.
